A quiet place for essays, notes, and questions that don't resolve easily — written in Nepali and English, on presence, the self, and what we carry without knowing.
The present is a weapon already in our hands, and still, despite being usable, we stand far from it.
English
Inside every one of us is an unsprouted seed that never became a tree. It simply rots where it sits.
English
मन एक सङ्कलन मात्र हो। सत्यको खोजी नगरौँ — त्यसले सत्यको चाहना गर्छ।
नेपाली
A person never meets himself in a crowd. In separateness, he meets himself most completely.
English
शिशुमा न त बुझाइ हुन्छ, न त दृष्टिकोण, केवल एक हेराइ र विस्मयता हुन्छ।
नेपाली
Knowing is born either from not knowing, or from refusal. There is no third door.
English
स्वतन्त्रता केवल धेरै विकल्प हुनु मात्र होइन, आफूलाई चिन्न सक्नु हो।
नेपाली
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Essay · Featured
To Be Is Not the Future; It Is Presence
We carry a kind of foreknowledge about the state of "being." Whenever something becomes foreknown, its weight begins to fade. Once familiar, we lose the beauty that lived inside that moment. The present is already in our hands — and yet we stand far from it.
3 Jan 2026 · 4 min readRead
Essay
Man Dies Alongside His Own Possibility
On the walls we build against fear that become our own cages, and the seed in us that never became a tree.
A man without being fully a man is closer to a corpse. Even standing in an open world, he spends his life inside the chains of a world he built himself. Most of the time we don't make decisions out of hesitation — or we make very few. Inside every one of us is an unsprouted seed that never became a tree. It simply rots where it sits.
Fear is one of the central elements here, and it is more frightening than we admit. Fear brings loneliness. But that loneliness isn't the absence of company; it's separation from everything. A person never meets himself in a crowd. In separateness, he meets himself most completely. But the mind turns the feeling of solitude into a lack, and fear is born from that turn.
Possibility, here, means the chance to know oneself. Becoming something — anything — is easy enough in a life. But is a life lived without ever knowing oneself truly worth living? Even a tree is alive, and it lives out its life in the full possibility of what it is. And us? We only try to get through it — however it comes, sorrow or joy.
Notes
Refusal
A short note on acceptance, refusal, and how knowing is born from one or the other.
Why? Refusal. Change, in difference, comes from refusal. Acceptance? That isn't even a reality of its own. Acceptance is only the description of a state — the state that arises when one's natural way of being happens to fall in step with morality. Truth, if anything, is closer to refusal.
What is the substance of understanding and belief? That color is green. I saw it and called it real. I didn't believe it — I called it green because I was taught that's what it's called. It might even be wrong, but that's only my understanding. My own personal reality and understanding turn out, in the end, to rest entirely on refusal.
नेपाली · Notes
शिशु संसार बाँड्दैन; संसारले शिशुलाई बाँड्छ
पहिचान, छनोट र शिशुको अनिर्मित अवस्थामाथि छोटो चिन्तन।
पहिचान, अस्तित्वमा रहने एउटा लेबल हो। यो जन्मसँगै आउँदैन, दिइन्छ। संसारमा स्वीकार्य हुनका लागि छनोट गर्ने कौशल र क्षमता अनिवार्य हुन्छ। तर बिडम्बना यस्तो छ कि बाहिरी संसारमा छनोट गर्दै जाँदा भित्र आफ्नै स्वरूपसँग सम्झौता गर्न थालिन्छ।
शिशुको अवस्था अनिर्मित, शुद्ध अवस्था हो। शिशुमा न त बुझाइ हुन्छ, न त दृष्टिकोण, केवल एक हेराइ र विस्मयता हुन्छ। संसारको रीत यस्तै हो भन्ने धारणाले हामीलाई ढाकेर सुताइरहन्छ, जसले गर्दा जाग्ने अवसर कम हुँदै जान्छ।
नेपाली · Essay
जन्जीर
पहिचान, स्वीकृतिको डर, र आफैं बनाएको पर्खालमाथि।
के म कैदी हुँ कि म कसैको बनावटी परिभाषाभित्रै आफ्नो संसारको रचना गरूँ? चाहिँदैन मलाई कुनै परिभाषा, चाहिँदैन मलाई कुनै अन्तर्दृष्टि। छैन मभित्र केही हेर्नका लागि। मलाई चाहिँदैन मेरो पहिचान। म आफैंमै पर्याप्त छु।
केको डर–त्रास छ यहाँ? स्वीकृतिको? कसको स्वीकृति, जो आफैंमा अपर्याप्त छ? खुला ठाउँको यति डर भयो कि छानो हाल्न हामीले अनेकौँ निश्चितताका पर्खाल बनायौँ, तर सास फेर्ने सानो प्वाल नै छोडेनौँ।
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Have you ever wondered what is actually happening around you, in your own presence? Probably we rarely pay attention at all. We carry a kind of foreknowledge about the state of "being." Whenever something becomes foreknown, its weight begins to fade. Once a situation becomes familiar, we lose the beauty that lived inside that moment.
The present is a weapon already in our hands, and still, despite being usable, we stand far from it. Thoughts like "now I will be present," "now I will meditate" — these very intentions push presence back into the future.
But the more we turn "being" into something to be achieved, the further we drift from it. A strange thing — we've already claimed the thing that does not exist, while the thing that does exist, we turn into tomorrow's goal. To bring our existence fully into presence: that is our real consciousness.
Replace this paragraph with your real biography. A few sentences is enough — this is a personal blog, not a formal CV. Tell the reader who you are, what drives the questions in your writing, and what you're building toward.
The writing here sits at the intersection of presence, consciousness, and what philosophy actually feels like from the inside — not as a discipline studied, but as a habit of questioning what's inherited. Some pieces come out in English, others in Nepali, depending on which language the thought arrived in first.
Longer-term, this archive doubles as the groundwork for graduate study — a running record of the questions that keep returning, written in public so they have to earn their place.
PhilosophySelf-inquiryPresencePsychology
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